April's garden at The Red Clover Keep

Goodness gracious, things really are coming along here. I've been out in the yard non-stop and I feel like I've made a lot of progress on our landscaping and such...

Psych!! That is not our yard. That is our neighbor's yard. It's been such a rainy month with only a day or two here and there of sunshine, that I've neglected our property pretty badly. It would be so much easier if I just paid someone to come tend our yard. *cough* Ah well. It is what it is.

Thankfully we have lots of plants that thrive with very little care and attention. I have to say, I WILL be planting more ornamental grasses out front. This one has orange tips and is absolutely HUGE now even though I have done next to nothing to it since putting it in the ground. That is my kind of plant.

I've also noticed that the succulents I transplanted onto the back hill are doing quite nicely. The big one in the center is the one I transplanted and all of these sweet little babies just started sprouting off of it unexpectedly. I'm going to have to put more of these in this spot, because the effect is quite neat. I really didn't think that these would do well in our mild and soggy climate, but they seem to be digging it.

Oh hi squirrelfran! I'm so happy to see that you've been visiting us with your fluffy tail and sweet cheeks! You are so cute, but can you please stop stealing sunflower seeds from the bird feeder? Those are not for you.

You heard me.

sartorial sunday: horizontal stripes & spikes

I bought this skirt in 3 different colors last year (they were only $12 each or something at Target) and have been trying to wear them more often now that the weather isn't as chilly. Of the 3 skirts, this is the one I've worn the least. I really don't know why, since every time I see pictures of myself wearing it I like the effect.

top - Fashion Bug

vest - Walmart

striped mini skirt - Target

boots - Old Navy

jewelry & purse - Forever21

5’3” - 240ish - size 18/20ish - DEATHFATTY

I finally bought a new purse this week (the zipper on my favorite one had been semi-broken for months) and threw a new spiked cuff onto the order. When they showed up on my door-step yesterday morning, I decided that I was going to take them for a spin with a harder, more rocking outfit. I think it all worked, because I felt like a total badass while running errands today. Badass grocery shopping, it's how we roll.

It's Friday, I'm in Love... with myself.

It is staggering to me how different it is to work out now. When I was last exercising this often (early 2007, before I started this blog) I was barely eating, my hair was falling out, and I got painful and intense headaches on a daily basis. My reason for pushing so hard was fueled 100% by my overwhelming self-hatred. I really and truly despised every facet of myself. I thought that if I could change my body, I could change who I was. Thankfully I found the fat-o-sphere in 2008 and thus began the slow and laborious process of accepting and ultimately loving myself for who I am and what I have to offer the world (including my love handles, lack of neck and abundance of belly).

Now that I'm more than a few years into this process (and yes, it is STILL a daily practice that I have to be deliberate about) my dripping sweat and sore muscles are fueled by my bursting love for myself and my desire to take good care of myself, which means different things on different days... today, it meant going balls to the wall on the elliptical. I went for 25 minutes, 82 calories burned, approximate distance: 4 miles. When I first started using the elliptical I covered the display because showing the calories burned was a bit triggering, but now it's interesting to me to see the connection between calories burned, distance, speed, pulse. Like... SCIENCE IS EXCITING. What I eat is fuel for my body and I can do badass things with that energy. And if what I eat is fuel, then what better way is there to celebrate my body after a workout than to whip up a snack!

This is what sounded amazingly delicious after blasting out those 25 minutes of hardcore sweating: 1 egg with a tsp of chopped basil, salsa, a touch of cream, sharp cheddar, and drizzled with balsamic vinegar. It was going to be an omelet, but ended up as more of a scramble since I kind of suck at flipping. Having a healthy relationship with food can take a lot of work, especially with my history of dieting and disordered eating, but it feels SO GOOD.

Speaking of feeling good, my recent dive back into hardcore working out is mainly so I can beat my time last year on the Rhody Run, but the added benefit of feeling like a rockstar and having more energy is awesome and is what will keep me going after the 12k is over and done with. I'm enjoying the ride, that's for sure. I'm just crossing my fingers that I don't lose any of my ass in the process.

--------------------

Further reading: Yes, Fat People Can (And Do!) Exercise 
by Marianne Kirby for XOJANE
"In high school, I enjoyed playing tennis. Until it became clear that "tennis" was code for "thing to make you lose weight." My backhand didn't matter; my backside was all people cared about. Tennis stopped being fun really fast. In college, when I was 17, I started going to the gym and doing some strength training. Which was awesome -- I love feeling strong; lifting heavy things and putting them down again is actually really empowering to me. But my gym buddies quickly started speculating how long it would take me to lose how much weight -- the expectations weighed more than I did, by a long shot."
 

thrifted thursday: bamboo, buntings, and bowls! Oh my!

There are several little corners in my home that make me wish I could shrink myself and climb into them as if I had climbed up the beanstalk into the Giant's house or something. I'd love to hang out on that little round table or curl up in the wooden bowl. Alas, I am 5'3" and there isn't much I can do about it. This is a regular person sized house with regular sized things in it. The closest thing I can do is document these spots, capture an essence and then emotionally climb in.

• The metal and glass table was found at Lounge Lizard on Hawthorne in Portland, OR for $10.
• The little green shelf was found at our local GoodWill for $1 and painted green by me.
• The round wooden bowl is something I've had since the early 2000s. I'm guessing I bought it at the GoodWill in Port Angeles, but there are a few other thrift shops it could have come from.
• The oval-shaped yellow kleenix box is my favorite kleenix box. I buy my tissue at costco and pop the plastic lid out of this box and put the tissue from the ugly costco boxes inside. I understand that this is obsessive. I kind of don't care.
• The "happy happy happy" print in the teal frame is from etsy seller Laura George.
• The "I got 5 on it" hoop was embroidered by me, albeit not very well.
• The blue triangle felt garland was also made by me. I sell similar garlands in my shop.
• The illustrations on the door are from the 2011 calendar put out by etsy seller Sadly Harmless.
• The "lucky bamboo" plant on the green shelf was a housewarming gift from our friends Chris and Candace.

I haven't washed my hair in 3 years. What's it to ya?

There isn't much more I can say about how I went no-poo and why without repeating myself a bunch. I've written so extensively on the topic in the past three years; I feel like I've pretty much covered all of my bases.

• It all started back in 2009, when I happened to see posts and articles about no-poo popping up everywhere I looked. I took it as a sign that I needed to try it out!
• After I got over the hump, I really started to fall in love with how my hair felt. It was much less dry and frizzy and seemed healthier in general.
• Just shy of a year into the process, I started thinking about what it meant for my burgeoning femme identity.
• A few months later and I knew I'd made the right choice for my own hair and decided to share all the gory details, just in case anyone else wanted to join in.
• Over 2 years without washing my hair and I turned into a mermaid.
• Then I cut it all off!

I don't see myself ever going back to shampoo. I don't have any reason to. I've done no-poo with my hair long, short, natural, dyed, straightened, curly/wavy, shaved on the side... and in every single different circumstance it's been softer, healthier, and more manageable than it was when I still washed it. I'm hooked.

tutorial tuesday: fat thighs + leggings = holes that need mending

If you want to watch 10 minutes of me talking about how much I hate jeans, how much I love leggings, and how much I like to mend my clothes... then you're in luck.

I also show you HOW I mend my leggings to get as much wear out of them as possible. The way I do it would work for many different inside-out mending jobs. So... BONUS.

Here's a fancy-pants illustration I found on google images in case what I'm doing in the video isn't super clear. After filming it I realized that I may want slightly better lighting next time and that even though black thread on black fabric is what I would actually use to mend my actual leggings, it isn't the best for visually demonstrating what the heck I'm doing. Whoops.

sartorial sunday: ruffles, high femme serious business, & matte nails.

In my quest to raise my femme bar higher, I've finally embraced the fact that I adore ruffles. I always have. There are pictures from WAY back of my infant self in a photo album at my parents house where I'm wearing pants that have rumba detailing across my giant diapered butt (very similar to this). My grandma made me a lot of clothes when I was a kid (especially the year I spent in private school where the dress code called for dresses and skirts only) and I often requested MORE RUFFLES and bows and ties and embellishments. I often thought of myself as a bit of a tomboy, but looking back, I had a pretty decent femme game from a very young age (though my presentation in my teen years was pretty androgynous and awkward at times... I did NOT get how makeup worked).

  ruffled gray top - Ross
ruffled cardigan & leggings- Old Navy

jewelry - Icing/Fashion Bug

shoes - Forever21

5’3” - 240ish - size 18/20ish - DEATHFATTY

Not every element of this outfit screams out HEY I'M A LADY, but there has to be some contrast and balance in life, and also, I just adore these shoes.

My nails were done with 3 coats of Icing's "Butta" (not the longest wearing or best quality polish, but when their house-brand is buy one, get one free I can't say no to all of those COLOURSSSSSSSSSSS) and finished off with NYC "Matte Me Crazy" matte topcoat ($2 at Walmart). It took a little getting used to, since they looked dry a good long while before they actually were, but I'm enjoying the effect and I have a feeling I'll be investing in Essie's matte topcoat now that I know I like the look.

Starfish & Coffee // Spring Picnic

In the grand scheme of things, it's not a huge deal... but for me, there are few things lovelier than waking up to discover that I've been featured in an etsy treasury (let alone TWO). It's like getting up on the right side of the bed and having my coffee prepared and given to me in the prettiest mug while a bevy of beautiful servants fan me with palm fronds.

Ok, so maybe it's not that amazing, but it's still a very nice feeling.

Starfish & Coffee

join me for a spring picnic

So much thanks to Poppy at Bliss & Vinegar and Ellie at My Little Chick. You two officially made my day.

It's Friday, I'm in Love: white, wood, metal, brick.

A few months after I got into using Tumblr, I branched out into running a niche blog (Fuck Yeah Domesticity). I originally started it as a way to motivate myself in my own domestic works, so that I could better cultivate a nurturing and enriching spirit in my own habitat. What I did not expect was that it would bring joy to so many other people! Over 5,000 posts and almost 2,000 followers later, it's obvious that I am not alone in seeking out inspiration and encouragement in my domestic efforts.

I feature many different facets of domesticity there - everything from knitting and sewing to cooking and canning and baking to lived-in decor to DIY projects to gardening and farming and every domestic activity beyond. If it's part of making a home, I'm on it.

Here's an assortment of my favorite bright and airy pictures that I've reblogged from various sources in the past week. They (and much, much more) can all be seen at the Fuck Yeah Domesticity tumblr.

A bright window filled with shelves of green houseplants and assorted nick-knacks, above a stainless steel counter and light wooden cabinets... this pretty much incorporates everything I love into one room.

The simplicity and sweetness of these little wooden bowls is killing me. I can't decide which color I like the best - the white or the darker pink in the front? Or is it the green or the blue that grab your attention? I wouldn't mind a couple of each, honestly.

I generally hate anything resembling country, but I make an exception when it comes to things that seem rustic without trying too hard. This kitchen really is the perfect mix of rustic and modern - clean and bright and slightly cluttered, in an organized way. Also, cats.

I absolutely adore stairs, which is humorous, since I live in a house that has none. In fact, I've only lived in one place that had stairs in my entire life and I found it to be a colossal pain in the ass, going up and down constantly. So really, I like looking at stairs, not coexisting with them. Those stairs above, though, make my heart palpitate a bit. The clean lines, the color of the wood, the way they stop at the platform and continue in the other direction. LOVE.

More stairs... though the reason I love these is for almost the exact opposite reason I love the other ones I shared above: There are NOT clean and modern. They are shabby and lived-in and a bit dilapidated.

I can't say no to an assortment of delectable cheeses. I really can't say no when painted brick and a metal serving stand are involved. I'm pretty much powerless in the presence of such things.

I'm a sucker for bright and cheery spaces for children. The artwork above is sweet, without making me want to vomit and the wooden mushroom stool is adorable.

And who can resist such dignified looking chickens in such a clean-lined modern coop? I know I can't. There was a time when I thought I wanted chickens. I've since realized that for us, the work wouldn't be worth the eggs we'd get, considering we already get enough eggs from Seth's parents' chickens. It doesn't stop me from posting pictures of the lovely beasts, though.

I worry that wood cutting boards are going to be my undoing. To say I have a weak spot for them would be a HUGE understatement. Combine them with lemons and a tiled back-splash and you can see, I have a real problem.

I've decided to save the best for last. If you described the above picture to me without me actually seeing it, I'd probably say that the decor didn't suit me at all. A pink couch, dark wood floors, a black and white patterned throw with fringe... these aren't exactly my normal vibe, but somehow this is easily one of the prettiest rooms I have ever laid eyes on. It all works so well together. I just want to curl up there and never leave.

If you're on Tumblr and interested in seeing more of the domestic bliss I've so lovingly curated, follow along!

thrifted thursday: mellow yellow

We really lucked out when we had this house built, as the master bedroom in our chosen floor-plan was quite a bit larger than what I would have allotted had I been designing the layout myself.  Every place I've lived as an adult has been a 2 bedroom (save for one single bedroom apt Seth and I lived in when we first moved in together) where the master bedroom was only slightly bigger than the second bedroom. I grew accustomed to not having a huge amount of space to work with in the room where we slept (also, in these one and two bedroom places, we usually had the computer in our bedroom... no office), so when we first moved in, this room felt empty and sterile. In the last 6 months or so, I've finally filled it up to the point that it feels cozy to me.

It's no secret that I absolutely adore the cheeriness of the color yellow. So much so that when we moved out of our partially furnished Cape George apartment, I asked the landlord if we could buy the funky 70s laundry hamper off of her. She was so thrown off by the bizarreness of the request that she just gave it to us, gratis. It now sits at the end of our dresser, serving as the perfect spot to lay out clothes for the next days wear.

Little pops of yellow spring up on the top of the dresser, in the form of a funky thrifted bottle that I've had for many years, and the translucent Ikea box that holds extra bracelets I don't wear very often. The black and white post card is something I picked up at a bookstore near Pike Place Market in 2003, on my way to a Good Charlotte concert (seriously? UGH.).

And of course I would have a yellow nail polish in my collection. I've only painted my nails with it once or twice, but now that Spring is upon us and Summer is right around the corner, I'm sure I'll be using it again soon. These little bowls holding my assortment of silver-toned jewelry were a 30th birthday gift from my dearest friend, Lexi.

Naturally, there are very few rooms in my home that don't feature vintage fabrics placed in thrifted embroidery hoops. I know it's oh-so-very-pinterist of me, but in my defense I don't even have a pinterist and have been putting fabric in hoops since before pinterist was a thing. I'm a pioneer. A trailblazer. A trendsetter. Deal with it. < /sarcasm >

Moving on... I found that dresser for $20 at an estate sale in 2006 and I don't ever plan to part with it. Ever. It's my furniture-soulmate. The stool on the left was purchased at the Fremont Market in 2004. It was originally red, but this green and blue motif I currently have on it is the third time I've painted it since it came into my possession. It's actually one of a set of two, but the other is orange and has a lamp on it in a different part of the house.

opulent ovals and circumspect circles

Last week I shared the first item in a new section of my shop with all of you and golly gee wow, that sucker already sold. I'm kind of speechless about this. I mean, I did say that the retro floral motif sure seems to be a popular seller for me, but I didn't think that I'd sell the new set in a matter of days - hours, really. This sent me on a frantic sewing spree to get more sets up and listed, and now the new section has 2 more sets ready to go!

First up is the Mossy Blossoms Patchwork Hoop Set! This combination of fabrics is similar to one of my favorite mini-quilts (that has somehow not sold! Why?! So pretty, you guys.) These two hoops used up the very last of a couple of my all-time favorite fabrics: the dotty yellow and the deep green with white hearts. I'm sad to see them gone from my stash, but this is what happens when the focus of your shop is giving vintage fabrics another life - you eventually use them up.

The other set that I finished and listed just this morning was inspired by a set of dryer sachets that has been up in my shop since the very beginning of me making them: Spring Picnic! It just seems appropriate with the alternating sun and rain and sun and rain that we've been experiencing these past few weeks to make something Spring themed.

I hope to get more of these made in the next couple of weeks, as I'm participating in the Spring Faire & Flea sale at the hand work studio on May 5th! I was a vendor at their winter sale last year and it was such a great experience that when I was asked to be a part of this upcoming event, I couldn't say no. I hope to see a great turn-out of locals perusing the tables for Mothers & Fathers Day gifts and special hand-made items to treat themselves to!

tutorial tuesday: fold it, fold it, fold it.

When I was about 7 or 8 years old, my mother taught me how to fold towels. She had a specific method for doing this and included a handy-dandy little saying to help me remember... Hot dog, hamburger, hamburger. I still use this method today. It's how every towel in my linen closet is folded. It's how I taught Silas to fold towels. I know it may seem overly simple and plain, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Hot dog, hamburger, hamburger. NOM.

file under "pro human beings".

Yesterday was a sunny, milkshake-filled blur. Our good friend Amber is in Seattle on a wee break from school, so Silas and I ferried over and did some concentrated hanging out with her and her daughter.

We're slightly sunburnt and I'm nursing a bit of a friendship hangover... that's a thing, right? It should be, because it's the only way to describe my brain-haze this morning after squeezing so much quality time into such a short period of actual time. It's like my heart is buzzing.

It's so hilarious to see these two doing their thing. It was hilarious when they were 3 and 5, and it's equally hilarious at 8 and 10. I shudder to think of the belly-laughs (and rolling of eyes) it will give me when they're at 13 and 15 and beyond.

We're squirrel-frans, through and through. In a pile. In the grass. Carrying on at the park and laughing so hard that I snort and she coughs (dude, the never-ending cold is never-ending), getting dirty looks from posh parents. Guh. Take your MacLaren stroller over to the other side of the playground, we're dishing and gabbing over here. We haven't seen each other in 3 1/2 months. Deal with it. Whatever.

Next time it's looking like they'll be able to stay with us again for a couple of days. Bring it on. I'm counting down the days.

sartorial sunday: new kid on the colorblock

The current neon trend doesn't really jive with my own aesthetic (no matter how hard I wish I did, because I do think it's neat, it's just not me), but when Silas and I did some shopping a couple of weeks ago, he discovered that it IS something that works for him. When he put together this outfit I realized that he was not only embracing some serious neon, but perfectly executing some serious color-blocking.

backpack, hoodie, & t-shirt - Target

jeans - Levi's 510s

shoes - Old Navy 

(these are pretty much the only shoes he wears, ever since we colored them in)

The way he put it all together ended up inspiring me to color-block a bit (as best I could, considering how much of my clothing is completely devoid of color). I recently bought this deep blue ruffled top, apprehensive about it not coming in black or gray, and I'm so glad I did. It's minimal color to a normal person, but for how dark my overall look has gone in the last year, it's positively VIBRANT.

cocoon cardigan - Target
ruffled top & leggings- Old Navy

jewelry - Forever21

boots - Torrid

5’3” - 240ish - size 18/20ish - DEATHFATTY

This might end up being the beginning of Jasie rediscovering the rainbow. Taste it.

It's Friday, I'm in Love: interweb syllabus for April 2012

I'm An Open Book To You; Why Confessional Blogging? by Marianne Kirby
"Your stories are personal – and the more personal they are, the bigger a risk you take when you lay them out in front of people, all your words in what you hope are the proper order. When people reject that, they’re not only rejecting the work you put into writing, but a slice of your history and identity."

Judging Moms May Be Good for Your Traffic, But It’s Bad For Your Feminism at The Feminist Breeder
"How are they forming the opinion that these practices are oppressive or unsafe for women and children? Well, that’s the catch. Their opinions don’t actually seem to be based in any sound science or education on these topics. If they researched these practices, they might actually have to stop judging these mothers. And THEN how would they drum up traffic?"

Nutrition agnosticism. at The Fat Nutritionist
"I don’t think people pick nutrition theories at random – but they pick ones that feel suited to their particular beliefs (ethical, observational, aesthetic) and that complement their worldviews. These are actually very good reasons, not some kind of humanoid silliness to be scoffed at from on high. It’s only logical that you’d be more inclined to align yourself with something that makes sense to you on multiple levels – but here’s where our sometimes-clunky habit of pattern-finding intrudes. You generalize the theory to everyone else. The one that seems custom-tailored for, uniquely-suited to, and perfectly paired with your life – which was the reason you chose it in the first place."

and just for fun...

Paul Feig walks us through Freaks And Geeks (Part 1 of 5) at The AV Club
"I was in this sad hotel going, “I’ve got to start writing this.” I took a walk, and saw as I was walking around—it was pretty desolate—this group of surly-looking high-school girls walking and smoking. I was watching, and there was this one girl in the pack. I remember she looked back—she didn’t look at me, but she kind of looked away. I just saw her face, and she looked like this sweet poser that was with the group. I remember going, “Wow, that.” Because I had never had a sister. I was an only child. So I knew I wanted to write about myself and my nerdy friends, but I knew I needed to represent the freak group. So when I saw her, I was like, “Oh, I like that character. I like the idea of this girl who looks like she’s trying to fit in that way.” That’s where Lindsay came from."

Parts 2, 3, 4, and 5 are also online for your reading pleasure.

thrifted thursday: fancy pants

I've wanted a proper tea set for awhile now, but haven't have the funds or decisiveness to pick out a pattern or style. One day while browsing the dishes aisle at Goodwill I saw the floral teacup that is the centerpiece of this photo and I knew I had to have it! It seemed silly, though, to just buy the teacup without a saucer to set it on. I looked and looked and the matching saucer was nowhere to be found on the shelves below... a wave of sadness hit me, for I thought my tea situation was stuck in limbo, but then it hit me that THINGS DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH! So much of my life is built around artful mis-matching, why I had I never thought to apply this to my want for a tea set?!

I knew what I had to do. I was now on a mission to mis-match the living crap out of these delicate little cups and saucers. A few weeks and trips to the thrift store later and I had a little cut glass pitcher for the milk, a dainty sugar bowl, and enough pieces for me and 2 friends to enjoy a cuppa together (plus a sweet little plate for cookies, muffins, tea cakes, what-have-you)!

My favorite tea doesn't taste right in any other cups now. I've spoiled myself. Nay, I've taken care of myself and a life without some fancy pants self-care isn't a life I'm interested in leading.

round and retro and ready to roll.

I've been wanting to branch out and create more home decor items to sell in my shop for quite some time now. I think these might be just the thing, considering the large amount of hoops I've collected and my current fixation with doing patchwork. I went ahead and added another section to Soft & Cozy: patchwork hoop sets! So far I only have this one set listed, in one of my all-time favorite (and best selling) fabric combinations, Retro Floral. My own personal style of mixing fabrics isn't always coveted by potential buyers, so the fact that this motif always seems to sell well kind of cracks me up!

I hope to put together more sets in the near future in a plethora of different fabric combos and themes. I'm thinking this could lend itself well to the shroomy motif that this quilt employs, as well as my country coral and mossy blossoms concoctions!

tutorial tuesday: 2 legit 2 quit [eating carbs]

Have you ever griddled a muffin? You should. I saw this done at Toast in Portland, OR and was utterly smitten.

It can be done with muffins made from scratch, a box mix, or bought from the grocery store bakery (I can barely wrap my brain around how wonderful this would be with those GIANT Costco muffins)! Just melt a couple of tablespoons of butter on a griddle or skillet over medium heat. Once the butter melts, cut your muffins in half (these ones are mini-muffins) and lay the cut side down in the butter. Rotate them every couple of minutes until they are brown and crispy. Move them to a plate and drop some powdered sugar over them through a wire strainer and VOILA! Griddled Muffins! It takes the flavor and texture up a notch, as well as makes the whole affair quite pretty.

I think the best flavors of muffins to do this with are blueberry, cinnamon, or lemon poppyseed. Granted, those are my three all-time favorite varieties of muffin.

Next up in our tour of all things carb-loaded is the best Italian Pasta Salad I've ever put in my mouth. Here's what you'll need:

• 1 pound rotini pasta, cooked and drained
• about 15-20 slices of salami, cut into small pieces
• 1 cup cubed mozzarella cheese (I used 4 cheese sticks!)
• 1 can black olives
• 2 cups cherry tomatoes, halved if large
• 1 teaspoon dried parsley
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 2 tbsp lemon or lime juice
• 1/2 tsp honey
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 1/4 cup olive oil

In a large bowl, toss together the pasta, pepperoni, cheese, olives, tomatoes, parsley and basil. To make the dressing, whisk together the vinegar, lemon/lime juice, honey and salt. While whisking vigorously, slowly drizzle in the olive oil. Once combined, pour over pasta mixture to coat and toss. Store, covered, in the refrigerator. For an extra kick of awesomeness, add in a few cubes of frozen chopped basil (or a few tbsp on pesto) and let them thaw in it, then stir before serving.

Now go run a fucking marathon!! Okay?

baba o'riley

Sometimes when I'm reading online postings from the teens in my life, I catch myself thinking, "It isn't as bad as all that. Embrace these years! Enjoy your lack of adult responsibilities! These petty little dramas and hurt feelings won't matter so much in 5 or 10 years!"  

It's like I don't even remember how soul-crushingly hard being a teenager was.

The angst was strong with this one.

I had a crush on the grandson of someone I knew from church. He lived with his mom about 2 hours away and visited his dad's side of the family during the summer and on holidays, so I didn't see him often. I harbored this crush for the entirety of high school and every time he was visiting, my adolescent eyes filled with giddiness and the hope that he'd come to like me as more than "just a friend". And we were good friends. We wrote letter back and forth (facebook would have made that shit sooooooo much easier, if only) and called eachother on the phone every couple of weeks. I included pictures and magazine clippings and doodles in my letters, squeezing so much hormonal and lustful subtext into every little detail that I could. Hoping, wishing, praying.

At some point my quest to make his feelings mutual (as if this could be forced) turned down a bizarre road and I started filling my letters with complete fiction. I wanted to be seen as more interesting, more desirable, more experienced (which I really wasn't at all). I told stories about parties I never went to (in reality, I didn't have my first sip of alcohol until I was 19, let alone attend any house parties), fooling around with boys (mmmm, NOT! I hadn't even so much as made out with my off-and-on boyfriend, who I dated for about a year total), and drugs I didn't do (the only thing I DID do in HS was smoke pot 5 or 6 times). In trying to come off as more worldly than I actually was, I was really just writing porny tales of what I thought high school was supposed to be like... for those other kids who weren't such insufferable goody-two-shoes.

Well, it didn't accomplish much. We drifted apart after high school, both got married, were briefly facebook friends, and basically I forgot how important it all was, because that's how these things go... but you can't tell that to someone in the throes of pubescent misery. I wouldn't have listened, and even if I had, I wouldn't have truly understood. I wasn't there yet. They aren't there yet. A sympathetic ear and a supportive nod is much more valuable.

sartorial sunday: discos and dragons

Seeing the sun in the sky has put me in party-mode and I want to spend all of my time dancing and smiling and covering myself in glitter! This hip-shaking urge manifest itself this week through disco-ball inspired nails. I did two coats of NYC #270 (sidewalkers) and 2 coats of Pure Ice Beware (this glitter has SUPER good coverage), then sealed it with my Sally Hansen.

I also got a new pair of flats on clearance at Old Navy, as well as a cute little pair of earrings. Both were begging to be worn, so I threw them into the mix.

I finally ended up breaking my self-imposed clothes-buying strike that I had been on for the last 4 months or so for this cocoon-wrap cardigan that was on sale for $10! I've admired the shape of these for awhile and am thrilled to finally add one to my closet.

tunic-length top, flats, & leggings - Old Navy
cocoon-cardigan - Target

assorted bracelets - Forever21
FAT necklace - Fancy Lady Industries

5’3” - 240ish - size 18/20ish - DEATHFATTY

And of course, the boy is looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself. He got a haircut this week (using a picture of Jeff Winger, which is humorous since that is NOT Joel McHale's real hair, you guys) and it's nice to see his face again and see that he does indeed have ears.

flannel - Shawn White for Target

striped tee - Target

jeans - Levi's 510s

slip ons - Old Navy