I think that at the core of our beings, we are who we are. My experience doesn't define me, it gives me context.
From what I can tell, many parents around me seem preoccupied with "training their children up" to be the best they can be, whatever that means to the parents (or is expected of them by society). That can be relating to anything from raising them in your chosen or culturally inherited religion, to public or private education based on your own experiences with either/both, to extracurricular activities like sports, or into a specific career path (your dad was a doctor, his dad was a doctor, by god, you shall be a doctor!). The flaw I see in this is that your kid is already them. They're here, they're living their life... RIGHT NOW. They have their likes and dislikes, interests and passions, temperament, personality... Those things will change and shift over time, as they grow older and learn new things. Who we are is fluid. Our experience does not create or define us... it is simply the context in which we live and grow.
I know families across the board, as far as parenting-style and educational philosophies go. In my estimation, as long as every adult in that family is truly and fully invested in meeting they and their children's needs (as well as each others) as much as is possible, people are doing the best they can in the context of their own experience.
I am who I am. Always have been, always will be.
I have a close friend who is currently in the process of moving one town over from where she's been living for the last 2 years. Her kids are not yet school-aged, so her first concern was what the schools are like where she's moving to. She's heard they're not great and isn't quite sure what path to take regarding homeschooling, private-schooling, public-schooling, etc etc etc. She ended her latest e-mail to me with this, "If the school system in [
redacted] truly does end up being as horrible as I've heard, then we'll tackle that issue when we come to it." This is my own educational philosophy in a nut-shell.
I think the entire approach to school or no school and anywhere in-between needs to be "We'll tackle that when we get to it." and alternately, "we'll see what works best for our particular children."That's what parenting is; doing the best you can to meet the needs of your specific children - Not some hypothetical children, not some possible future version of your children - Your actual existing children, who they are and what they need
right now. There is no ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO THINGS.
Some kids do alright in public school and are happy and nurtured and it works for them and the whole family (
granted, I do think the system is inefficient at meeting the needs of children, but I've seen exceptions to every rule), many kids do best at home (
that could mean anything from radical unschooling to a dry-erase board in the dining room and worksheets spread out on the table), many kids do well in Waldorf, Montessori, or Sudbury schools, some kids do well in religious schooling (
I did baptist private school for a year and had several friends who attended Catholic school), some teens are ready for community college at 16 and some don't need college in their lives at all, some travel and some work and some take classes or lessons and some read all day... Honestly, the vast majority of kids/teens/grown-ups I've known in my life haven't chosen one path and stuck to it unconditionally; they've done a couple years of this and a couple years of that and tried out other environments and new experiences.
Kids know what they need. It is our job to help meet those needs (
including the need for autonomy, which often gets lost in discussions of "traditional" parenting) and facilitate their growth. We can't turn them into something they're not or "fix" them, but we
do help provide the experiences that give their life context. Any specific path, as long as it is forged in sincere and unconditional love, isn't going to make or break our child. They are who they are. The best we can do is to honor that and do what's best for all involved at the current time.
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