Today has been a weird and tumultuous day fraught with misunderstandings, jerkiness, cursing, and a desperate need for a frothy chai latte and a cupcake. I got the chai, but the overpriced cupcake shop downtown was closed. A shortbread cookie from Sweet Laurette's did the trick, though. Also, watching this video helped. Jesse Tyler Ferguson is perfection. I'm always a sucker for the homosexual ginger guys.
I went out and about today to run some errands and there was a man standing on the corner of Discovery Road & highway 20, just outside of town. That isn't him in the above picture, but his sign was very similar. It simply said, "Help. Hungry." I avoided eye contact, pretending to look at the traffic, even though I was stopped at a red light. I felt like a grade-A jerk for not atleast looking over and smiling. Would smiling be rubbing it in? Would it be received as a gesture of goodwill? I hate this about life, but I have no control over how anything I do is perceived, no matter how hard I try to make my genuine intentions known in all of my daily interactions. I felt like dirt after the light turned green and I left... stinky horrible dirt. I didn't want to feel like dirt. I didn't want anyone else to feel like dirt. I wanted to specifically make someone NOT feel like dirt.
I got the idea in my head that I was going to make enough dinner to fix an extra plate and take it to him. I floated this idea through a Facebook status, wondering what feedback I'd get. Would people tell me not to do it, or to be careful, or to expect rejection? I got a little bit of all of the above, but most of all, encouragement that even if it didn't work out or he didn't want it, it was worth trying. I kneaded some dough for cheesy garlic biscuits, working it with my hands, turning it over, adding a little more cream... I rolled it out on the counter that I had sprinkled with flour and wondered if he'd like these biscuits or if they'd be too garlicky for him. Silas thinks they're garlicky. I peeled and cut some carrots and threw them in a pot of salted water, stirring and smelling and testing to see if they were soft yet. I mixed together salmon patties, making the batch with one more can of salmon, one more egg, and a little more olive oil that usual. I wanted to make sure I had enough to go around. Once everything was cooked and ready, I pulled one of those reusable plastic containers that I have way too many of and filled it with the dinner. I almost forgot to put a fork in with it, which wouldn't have done any good for anyone. The three of us ate our dinner and once the plates were clean, I set off, hoping he'd still be at the corner and hadn't moved on for the evening. It had been almost 3 hours since I'd seen him standing there, so I really had no idea.
I felt the adrenaline starting to build up in my back, the hard ball of tension that develops near my tailbone is undeniable. My head feels a little fuzzy when this happens. I don't know if it's channeling blood flow to my lower back or if it's something else entirely. I started sweating so much that the inner edge of my glasses started to fog up. And when I pulled up to the light... he wasn't there. I turned back up the hill, in the hopes that maybe he had decided to walk into town. There is a shelter downtown. It was worth a shot. I saw a man walking about a mile in from where I saw him earlier and had a hunch it was him, even though I'd been so busy avoiding eye contact before that I honestly had no clue what the man looked like. I decided to take a chance and pull into the parking lot about 1/2 a block up from where he was walking. It was him and when I asked him if he was interested in dinner he thanked me about 5 times.
I don't know why, but the moment after something like this happens, the adrenaline builds instead of subsiding. The ball of tension gets tighter and harder and makes my whole back feel like it's on fire. It's a wonder I didn't break down crying in the drivers seat.
The final chapter of Lost is airing this Sunday and if I don't get some very specific answers, there's going to be hell to pay. They'd better explain...
- Where the numbers came from and why they're so important and seem to be connected to every single damn island-related occurrence.
- Where do the statue, the many appearances of the Ankh symbol and the Egyptian hieroglyphics in the temple and the tunnels and... everywhere else, come from? Why is Egyptian symbolism so important on the island?
- Seriously... what is up with the light and all the electromagnetism? Is it some mystical woo-woo thing or science or both?
I've watched the entire Series all the way through, as well as watching every episode from Season 4 and beyond atleast thrice, and have done insane amounts of additional Lost-related reading. I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp on all of the theories and twists and characters... I only ask that these few questions be answered before the series is over. And when the series is over... I'll be watching it from start to finish - again.
I never claimed to be anything other than a total and complete nerd.
posted by Jasie VanGesen at 9:15 AM
I stumbled on a fantastic article yesterday, thanks to Heather, who posted it on Facebook. It's about a cooperative playground in Germany where kids between 6 and 16 get to actually BUILD the playground as they go. Amazing.
posted by Jasie VanGesen at 8:10 PM
... is apparently really wobbly and fast and might cause severe motion sickness. If you're epileptic or get car-sick easily, maybe you should skip this one. Yikes.
- Don't be afraid that you'll stink. You won't. I was so worried I'd stink, but the body's natural pheromones are nothing to be afraid of. Also, be patient. The first few days you go without shampoo, your hair may feel oily or strange. It can be tempting to abandon the experiment and go back to regular shampoo. If you don't make it over the hump, you won't get to reap the benefits of shampoo-free hair. For some, the transition period only lasts a few days (it was just shy of two weeks for me) and for some it can take several weeks. Be patient. Make that your mantra.
- If you have dry, thick hair like me, or color treat it heavily, you can probably skip the baking soda and vinegar rinse. It'll get you nowhere and just make your hair act confused and upset. I don't know if maybe it works perfectly fine on oily hair or on thinner hair, but with my thick haystack it did a whole lot of nothing except dry it out MORE.
- You can scrub away dirt and grime just fine with a bit of conditioner worked into your hair and massaged into your scalp. I've discovered that for my dry hair, if I scrub in the conditioner first thing in the shower, I can let it sit and soak in while I'm washing everything else. I put the conditioner in my palm and work it into my entire head of hair, then I go to town with the scalp scrubbing and massaging. I start at my temples and work my way up to the top of my head, then I do the bangs and the front half of my hair, then move on to the back, paying extra scrubby attention to the damaged/bleached bits... it works wonders on my particular head of hair. I feel clean and refreshed and moisturized with just basic conditioner.
- Switch conditioner types each bottle or two you buy. Your hair gets used to stuff and after awhile it doesn't work as well. I switch back and forth between Joico's K-PAK Intense Hydrator (I buy it from the salon where I get my hair cut, but it is available at most supermarket/drugstore chains), Pureology Hydrate Conditioner (also available pretty much anywhere these days), and Organix Conditioner in Coconut Milk, Teatree Mint, or Pomegranate Green Tea. I'll usually have more than one choice on hand in the shower (since I share conditioner with my dude) and whenever I empty a bottle, I make sure that the next one I buy is different than what I was just using. My scent has some variety and I save money by switching $5 bottles into the rotation with $20 bottles. I also make sure that each conditioner I buy describes itself as moisturizing and/or nourishing. These have proved the most effective at lessening my frizzy-ness from my hair being naturally dry.
Going no-poo not only helps your hair even itself out, it saves serious money. I think about how much I spend on conditioner a year and double it... that's how much I USED TO spend. It seems bizarre to me now and a like total waste of money. Seth still uses shampoo (his hair is NOTHING like mine. It's fine and oily and not particularly damaged), so we do still spend some money on it, but it's a lot less than it used to be. Half the time he uses Dr. Bronners instead of proper shampoo, anyway. He lets it air dry and brushes it once when it's still wet, to get it to go where he wants it. That's it. That's his entire routine. I dig his low-maintenance approach.
The decision to cut out shampoo is a personal one, like deciding to stop shaving your legs or armpits, or to stop wearing deodorant, or to forgo makeup... to each their own. But if it's something you're interested in because your hair is thick and dry and frizzy and all over the place (like mine was), it's worth a try. You may just find out that you feel liberated and absolutely love it. The key, I've found, is getting over that hump, being patient, giving it time to work itself out. That is literally the hardest part of the whole thing. So good luck, potential fellow no-poo-ers!
I have one major fat acceptance/body positivity hurdle left that needs to be jumped: accepting and loving my tummy. I tend to gravitate towards clothes that conceal and camouflage my belly (not sure why I believe that at 230 lbs I'll fool anyone into thinking there isn't a tummy under that flowy top), when really, I'd like to develop the confidence to wear the clothes I like and cultivate a look I enjoy without feeling the need to hide any part of myself. I've seen many fatties rock their respective looks while paying homage to every little "flaw" (society's words, not mine) that the body in those clothes has.
One of my absolute faves is Cynara. She is vaguely apple-shaped like me, doesn't have a flat stomach, and is downright fearless in the way she expresses herself through clothes.
It doesn't matter if what she's wearing is billowy or fitted, belted or left open, "flattering" or in your face - she rocks it. She looks fantastic. Her confidence in her clothes, her style, and herself radiates from her outfit photos. This is what I want in my life.
I've been spending a little bit of time each day looking down at my belly, looking at it in the mirror, getting comfortable with it and trying not to get all hung up on the fact that it's there. Some days it's easy and I feel better about my body and myself, other days I go into a bit of a tailspin... I think back to the height of my screwed up attitudes towards food and my harmful disordered eating practices - calories were my enemy. I would count them obsessively and restrict them severely. At one point I even convinced myself that I could get the bulk of my body's required nutrients (to you know, survive) while consuming very little actual food. Needless to say, my tummy was not my friend at that time. I took a lot of weird supplements and drank emergen-c and green tea, I chugged water and chewed gum to keep my tummy feeling full and my mouth busy. I occasionally ate a piece of fruit or a string cheese when my blood sugar would dip so low that I was on the verge of fainting. I'd get to the point where I'd have literally NO energy and figured I should probably eat something.
Seriously - a calorie is simply a measurement that indicates the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one kilogram of water by one degree Celsius, thus implying how much potential energy the food you eat can supply to your body. It's not something to make an enemy of, it's something to keep you ALIVE. My tummy is just some adipose tissue surrounding my internal organs with some cushioning; It is not something to make an enemy of. It's a part of me. The me that I love and accept. It's time to give my belly some much needed love and acceptance.
I feel like I'm entering a bit of a dressing rut. Summer is fast approaching and my cooler weather clothes don't work all the time, yet it's not quite warm enough for bare legs and sandals. This time of year is always a bit awkward for me and my wardrobe... I tend to be a layered dresser, so coming into the warmer part of the year, I get a little flustered. Thankfully I integrated some vests into my closet last summer for this very reason, but giving up my sweaters for a few months is still hard.
I'm also in a little bit of a rut with growing out my hair. I won't be chopping it all off or anything (all I have to do is look at a picture of it short and any urges to do that again subside). I've been putting more and more time in between each trim to save money and time and I've been doing the bangs myself, but it's in desperate need of thinning out. My layers tend to grow in incredibly thick, especially in the back. Maybe I'll get that done in the next couple of weeks. I'm also itching to add in some blonde chunks (in the underlayers) so that I can do some funky colors. I'm pretty sure it's been about 3 years since I last dyed it, which is a record.
sweater & booties - Target
dress - Ross
necklace - Icing
tights - WeLoveColors
sweater & leggings - OldNavy
top - Torrid
scarf - Forever21
bracelet - Icing
purple tights - WeLoveColors
shoes - Ross ($10.99!)
- As per usual, Silas has spent each night with his nose in a book, only setting it aside when he realizes he can't keep his eyes open any longer. On the edge of his bed: Socks by Beverly Cleary, Calvin & Hobbes, Garfield, an Eye Witness book about armor and weaponry and one about spies, as well as a few science books about tornadoes and spiders and the human body.
- We had a conversation a few days ago while in the car about wind currents and why clouds move across the sky so quickly sometimes. We also talked about why overcast days are sometimes warmer than clear-skied days.
- We visited the beach at Fort Worden and the kids buried Silas in sand and played in the water and scavenged for interesting driftwood. There were even a few dried-out crab shells and things found along the way.
- Last week in a parking lot Silas saw a small bird up close. He quickly declared it a female. When I asked him what made him think that he said, "girl birds don't have the colorful feathers usually, just the boring feathers." I asked him if he knew why. He told me, "it's the male birds job to attract the females. It's kind of the opposite of how people are. Ladies try to be pretty and guys just kind of do whatever, but with birds it's the other way around." This all led to a conversation about "the beauty ideal" and how silly societal pressure to be sexy is.
- He made a comic that he described as "choose your own emotion" instead of "choose your own adventure". It started off with a person dropping or throwing a rock because he was scared of a dragon or monster, angry at a dragon or monster, happy or sad or excited about his wife or life. Lots of flip up pages and multiple choice.
- As I was cleaning out one of the junk drawers in the kitchen to prepare for the move, I stumbled across a small solar calculator. I didn't even remember its existence, so I gifted it to Silas. He was fascinated with the fact that if he covered the solar panels with his thumb that it would shut off. He also had quite a bit of fun typing in the largest numbers he could think of and adding them to other insanely large numbers. This led to him pulling out some play money and dividing it into equal piles to demonstrate multiplication. 3 piles of 4 = 12, 4 piles of 5 = 20 and so on. He did this for a good half an hour, getting excited every time he figured out a new number. He eventually got a little frustrated at how hard it was to do in his head and so I told him about multiplication tables and how useful they can be to memorize. I used the example of "sight-words" when he first learned to read and how valuable it is now to not have to sound out THE, AND, ARE, etc every time he sits down to read. I told him it was much the same way with multiplication, that if he memorized all the way up to 10 x 10, he could multiply columns without having to think as hard. He requested that we print a few up! He even wants one in the bathroom.
- He also started practicing addition of multiple-digit numbers on his own and is enjoying it immensely. He's started making up problems and solving them just for fun.
- Earlier today he made a collage that depicted the life cycle of a cat, using some cat stickers I'd picked up for him. It started with a Mama cat feeding her litter, then the cats were kittens, then a year or two old, then adults, then two adults would start the cycle all over again. I think he just wanted an excuse to use those kitten stickers, but all the creativity was a bonus.
- We went seaglass hunting at North Beach last week, only to discover the tide was kind of high that time of day. He knew that the tide was controlled by the moon, but wanted to know more once we got home. We found a section on the tides in one of his science books and he was satisfied to finally know and understand the whole concept.
- We watched Forrest Gump together a few days ago. It was the first time he'd ever seen it and he absolutely loved it! It opened lots of doors to talking about history and politics and the army... always a good time.
My righteous indignation can sometimes get a little out of control if left unchecked.