Being subversive and controversial again. Imagine that.

I wonder... can you guess what project I'm up to this time?

So we have fabric cut into squares with rounded edges, hmmm. Ok. Maybe it's dryer sachets? No. No it's not.

What's this? A bag of some sort. Could it be an icky bag? But what could I possibly be putting in there? No. No way. I've crossed over to the dark side.

Yup. It's really happening - cloth toilet wipes. I'm not going to go into the logistics of setting up such a system, it's been done. It doesn't need to be covered yet again by me. I know this may gross some of you out, shock some of you, maybe make you stop talking to me for fear it's contagious... but it also might inspire somebody. It really wasn't hard. I haven't forced it on anybody else in my home, it's just me, flying solo in this little endeavor. But it's making a difference.

This is an example of how much TP I would use for a trip to the toilet for a simple #1. I've always been wasteful and grabbed too much off the roll, I've never been able to successfully curb that habit. Just for fun, I counted the sheets. SEVEN sheets... for some pee. Talk about wasteful. If your average roll from Costco has 425 2-ply sheets, that means I was only getting about 60 uses out of a roll just for peeing. I'm about to enter the TMI zone here, but you should have expected that from a post about cloth bathroom wipes... I go pee anywhere from 5 to 10 times a day. I pee A LOT. So I was using about 1 roll a week, all by myself, simply for plain old #1. I'm only using the cloth wipes for those kind of bathroom trips... I haven't been brave enough to venture into #2 territory. It would require a totally different receptacle and routine, something I'm just not up for right now. Maybe once we have two bathrooms and I'd alienate less visitors. For now, saving one roll a week feels pretty damn good.

Also, I've started collecting cloth napkins and am trying to get us all in the habit of using them instead of paper napkins or paper towels. So far, so good. I've also started keeping an extra kitchen towel or two hung over the bar on the oven so that I reach for paper towels less to clean up with. Throwing a small microfiber rag over the paper towel holder has helped too: I grab it instead of the disposable option. One small step for man, one giant leap for earth, yo.

blah blah blah

My first video diary type thingy from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

Awesomest Chocolate Chip Cookies EVER!

• 2 sticks of softened butter
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup agave nectar (with just a little black-strap molasses at the top of the cup)
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups all purpose white flour
• 1/2 cup each of whole wheat, millet, and dark rye flours
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 tsp hot water
• 1 cup semi-sweet chips
• 1 cup white chocolate chips
• 1/3 cup flax seed meal

Preheat oven to 350 degrees (F). Mix butter, sugars, vanilla, and eggs together. Add flax seed meal. Dissolve salt & baking soda in hot water, add to batter and mix well. In separate bowl mix the various flours together. Sift them into the batter, a cup or so at a time, mixing thoroughly. Add chips and more flax seed meal if desired. Spoon onto cookie sheet, sprinkle with whole flax seeds (I was all out) and bake for about 10 to 12 minutes.

About my hair, please don't view this video as some testimonial for no-poo. I made the mistake of putting some styling putty stuff in there before doing the video, figuring it'd make me look less frumpy and dull. It just made me look sticky and gunky and unwashed. You live, you learn. Ah, Alanis, you was SMRT.

Also, for newer readers: this is the xylophone man I refer to.

Attn: Etsy sellers! Help people out, get exposure. win/win

Buy one of the 5 oldest items from any of the featured shops, get put in FOUR treasuries! Buy ANY item from any of the featured shops and get put in TWO treasuries! I like this system... sales for many, exposure for many. :)


I also got featured in a plus-size fashion blog, which was really cool and flattering.

handmade revolution, yo.

I ended up having a really awesome conversation at Chautauqua with a 17 year old guy who makes chain maille jewelry and was interested in how to sell and market his unique talents. I had been talking to his mom about my dryer sachets (I took a stack of traced fabric with me to cut and sew into sachets, ended up coming home with about 77 of them that just needed to be filled and have the tops sewn closed) and had mentioned to her how and where I sell my stuff. She was intrigued and thought it sounded like something that would appeal to her son.


I know this sounds a little naive, but I honestly forget there are people out there, customers and artisans alike, that haven't heard of Etsy yet! This video is a fantastic summary of what the site is all about, so hopefully new people who aren't familiar with what Etsy is will see this.

I like to rearrange the feathers and branches in my nest.

For reference, our living room used to look like this. Same stuff, new arrangement... just needed a little change. It had been laid out the same way for a year and a half. I also just realized that despite my best efforts, my pictures of the room completely fail to show that the couch is now under the window at the front of the apartment. How on earth did that get left out?

So, like... talking and stuff.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

don't you worry, we'll all float on, alright.

There's been something weighing heavily on my mind and heart for some time, but attending the Chautauqua last week brought it to the forefront of my thinking and made a lot of things more clear. I really hate some of the buzzwords floating around the mom/eco/unschooling blog-o-sphere these days: mindfulness, being present, living intentionally. They sound so hippie-dippy and new age to me, but frankly, they're onto something.

We've already taken some steps towards living the kind of life we want: we pulled Silas out of public school, we started practicing peaceful parenting, I quit my soul-sucking cashiering job, but the being present in each moment thing... there's a major learning curve on that one, for me.

One big drawback of living with Bi-Polar Disorder without medicating is that you end up spending a lot of time treading water. So often I'm just floating, holding on for dear fucking life, trying not to get swept away by the overwhelming tide of thoughts, impulses and emotions. It hard to be present and calm and appreciative of your own breathing and existing when you're so busy trying not to spiral downwards. But I'm working on it... slowly but surely.

As a measure of my progress in life in general, these are some of the things I did this past week:

• I touched a sea anemone for the very first time. It squished and pulled away from me.

• I cut my toe open on a barnacle. Do you know what I was doing that led to this incident? Walking on rocks without shoes on. Dude. This is something I do not do.

• I got bit by yellow jackets 4 times over the course of the week... and I didn't cry or run around screaming.

• I talked to people I'd never met and tried things I'd never done. I put myself out there and soaked up as much as I could.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm getting half decent at this living-in-the-moment thing. I think what I need to do the most of... is cut myself a little bit of slack. I just stumbled on this quote and it hit me like a whiffle-ball to the forehead.


“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson


YES.

I guess you can't ever plan too far ahead.

For some reason, people are already doing stocking stuffer themed treasuries... but hey, I'm flattered to be included! I've always thought my items would make good holiday gifts. Makes me wish my extended family did stockings at their big get together. Xmas is a weird holiday in my family, my mom tends to make it much more complicated than it needs to be.

Chautauqua - where do I begin?

I just don't even know where to start, I worry I don't even have the words. Camp was amazing. The people were amazing, the facility was amazing, the scenery was amazing, the food was amazing, the activities were amazing, the vibe and atmosphere was AMAZING. I didn't know what to expect when I signed up and I really got a lot more out of this experience than I bargained for. I haven't yet figured out how to articulate all the feelings swirling around inside of me after this last week. When I do, I'll let you all know.

Silas made a bossom friend. Their relationship was complicated: one day Silas was attacking Jupiter with sand, the next they were inseparable. Our cabin was shared with his family, so we got to know them quite well over the course of the week. I even cried at his mom while having a mini-meltdown on the 2nd day. Bonds were formed.

There was a lot of poi spinning. A lot. I even got to make my own pair with beans, balloons, and socks. That was a total blast. Both Silas and I spent quite a bit of time messing around with those. I kind of learned a trick... if you could call it a trick. It was pretty basic.

Silas spent a lot of time with Jupiter (who was not quite one year older), but also hung out a lot with Luca (who was 5 1/2). The kids tended to gravitate towards others with jiving personalities and interests, rather than just others their own age. He spent time with the teenagers, an almost 11 year old who was into the same stuff, Luca and Jupiter and a group of boys about his own age. He's even picked a few kids he'd like to penpal with and has added all of the older kids on his facebook account!

He learned how to spin a hula hoop on his arm. It was pretty impressive considering the fact that he'd picked up a hoop maybe twice in his life. He also performed this feat in the talent show, but alas, I have no pictures, only video.

Silas has talent! from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

He had a little bit of stress with concentrating on the trick while in front of all those people and ended up spending the majority of the performance just twirling with it. He's so damn cool.

On the last night of camp there is a dance party upstairs in the lodge. They covered all the standard bases of YMCA, The hand jive, time warp, macarena, and electric slide... then the teens took over and played a lot of NIN, Muse, Louis XIV and Iron Maiden (at Silas' request). They got down, they got jiggy, the totally boogied. There was a pit at one point where a boy started bleeding. Just good times, man. Silas was making up super cool dances and they'd all circle around him and do his dances. It was pretty epic.

Now that we're home and back into the usual groove, I'm conflicted and at a loss. I feel stalled and stunted. I don't know what to do next. I know I'm supposed to be inspired and empowered, which I am... but I'm also mourning having to come back to the real world. I'm also realizing that the "real world" is whatever I make it, whatever we want it to be. So I guess we move forward from here.

They're break-dance fighting.

Cars... from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

George Michael Bluth wearing braces, people.

Star Wars Kid from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

the boy likes to fake you out.

slow motion eating from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

Anger!

Seckret Gints

showing us his book, Secret Giants... from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

I love that it took him 1 minute and 15 seconds to set up the shot. Why the camera was running for this, I don't know. He's trying to be avantgarde, man! But I do wonder what's up with the nervous rubbing of his cheek! It's the bugs, man. He also scratches his nose and ankle at some point.

The secret-est giant of all... SILAS.

stuffy nosed explanation of metamorphosis

calipitter to butterfly from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

homestarrunner.net - it's DOT COM

Reciting Homestar Runner from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

It's a big galaxy, yo.

Traveling through the galaxy from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

Silas Jackson Films

Fort Worden Ninja from Jasie VanGesen on Vimeo.

Sometimes the ninja holds still just long enough to reduce the motion-blur.

We're going to be down in Oregon all next week to attend the Oregon Unschoolers Chautauqua. I'm beyond nervous. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I do not often go out of my comfort zone... and since lately my comfort zone has even excluded my own back porch and former place of employ, this is a really big deal. I'm going to be living in a cabin for a week with Silas and other families who I DO NOT KNOW. Dude. I'm not going to have internet access. I'm bringing hiking shoes. This is insane. I haven't planned or prepared barely at all because I'm still in shock that I wanted to do this and then actually went for it. Wish me luck.

I've scheduled some awesome posts courtesy of Silas and his mad acting/imagining/directing skills for while we're away. Enjoy.

Layers of flavor : part 5 (the run-down)

• I designed a calendar in photoshop and printed out a few copies, but you could easily find free printable ones online, or just write on your standard hanging wall calendar. Currently, our menu is on a five-week rotating schedule, though I have a feeling we'll be bumping up to six weeks. We are at the tail end of our first rotation and in the process discovered a few meals that somehow had not been added to our list. But you could make it any length of time you like, we just chose 5 weeks because we had 24 meals to fit in (5 nights a week, with one loose night).

• I only plan our actual dinners. Breakfast, lunch, snacks, desserts, etc are figured out along the way based on leftovers, what was on sale and what we feel like. This allows each of us to eat what we like, what we crave, and enjoy eating, even if dinner on a particular night isn't one person's favorite. I also didn't bother planning weekend meals. Silas is at his dad's house on the weekends and not over-planning gives us a chance to eat out, be spontaneous, or eat foods only the two of us enjoy.

• As I've mentioned before, Silas is in a hardcore "I don't like food" phase. That's an exaggeration, of course. After all, he loves grilled cheese sandwiches and string cheese, but boychild cannot live on cheese alone. We've sat down and had a lot of talks about how not all of us are going to like every meal that's planned. And that's ok. I'm getting kind of sick of spinach manicotti, but Seth loves it. Silas may be tired of anything involving mashed potatoes, but they're one of my favorite foods on earth. Seth likes a big slab of medium-rare red meat on occasion, both Silas and I are totally disinterested. Whatever, we'll all live. I don't force Silas to eat anything he doesn't want to any more than I'd try to force Seth. So if somebody doesn't clean their plate, or doesn't even touch what I made, I've finally decided not to be all butt-hurt about it. Life goes on.

• There's some meals that are too rich to eat on a regular basis. These meals are reserved for the last friday of the rotating menu. Most of the meals in this category are crock-pot recipes. I also did this so that I'd still use my crock-pot. There's nothing worse than buying one, getting all excited, looking through cookbooks and websites, only to discover you don't like using it very much. I only have two recipes in the 5 week plan that utilize it... Meh. So I'm forcing myself to use it that last friday too. I figure it'll pay for itself in about 12 years (in my defense, I found a great deal. So it didn't exactly put us in the hole... that'd take a VERY expensive crock-pot).

• One thing I totally didn't take into consideration is that we generally get invited to dinner at Seth's parents' house once or twice a month. This month we also went to dinner at his Grandma's because a bunch of family was in town from Chicago. The old Jasie, the obsessive, anal-retentive, uptight Jasie would have gone into crisis mode. I'm trying to mellow out... and so far I'm succeeding!! If the meals planned for those nights were things we had already bought the ingredients for, or loved too much to skip, we just moved them to a night where we were eating something less exciting. Chili & cheese baked potatoes now replaced chicken w/sides. Taco soup now replaced asian tuna patties. It's not the end of the world. These meals will come around again in another 5 weeks.

I think I covered everything. If something comes to me in a week, this is the post I'll add it to. Any questions? Requests? Want more details on something? Hit me up.

Layers of Flavor:

Part 1 - (the intro... or appetizer, if you will)
Part 2 - (breakfast, snacks and lunches)
Part 3 - (dinner construction zone)
Part 4 - (sometimes easy is... easier)

how dare I be so healthy... and FAT.

I'm not sure if I should be amused or furious at the berating I got yesterday from the nurse while getting my birth control shot. Apparently they're worried about weight gain, even though the ol' blood pressure is WAY down and has been for awhile. When I explained to the nurse that the weight gain was because I was nolonger starving myself, the nurse responded with... "well of course I couldn't ask you to return to an eating disorder, but something needs to be done. You're 31 pounds heavier than the lowest weight you've been since we've been seeing you." (for reference, I've been going to this same clinic since early 2006. So they were witness to my last serious bout with disordered eating, where I got down to a really low weight for me by starving myself and doing over an hour a day of cardio). So I repeated that at that time I was borderline starving myself and that my blood pressure was way higher at that lower weight. She double checked the chart and I was correct... but she kept pushing. I asked her point blank what the issue was. She told me that with the weight gain she'd recommend I use a different form of birth control that doesn't slow down metabolism (the depo is probably responsible for about 5-10 lbs of the "weight gain"). I told her I was 100% happy with depo, even if it was responsible for a small a few extra pounds. I told her it'd made me gain 5-10 lbs in the past and it wasn't a concern. I'd rather stay on that form of BC.

dead girl walking: BMI of 39.65, teetering on "morbidly obese" (40+) you guys.

It was just so frustrating, how she feigned concern, but couldn't tell me what she was concerned about except for the damn number on the scale. And she pretty much refused to acknowledge anything I said. I wish I'd been more collected and articulate, but I was just so completely confused by the ambush. Normally, after I get the shot, the nurse leads me out to the desk to make my next appointment, but this time they sent the 2nd nurse in just to "talk about the issue"... They caught me off guard and I'm sure I seemed defensive, but that's what happens when you're forced to defend yourself. Heh. She seemed determined to ignore that I'm in better health now, at the HIGHER weight (heaven forbid) than I was when I weighed less and had higher BP, was losing hair, was stressed beyond belief, etc.

So yes, I just had to share. I'll return with the last installment of Layers of Flavor before the week is through!

Layers of flavor : part 4 (sometimes easy is... easier)

I'm well aware that this post may seem like an abomination to the from-scratch home cooks out there. I'm just not there yet. When I want to do something, my desire has to coincide with my willingness and ability. I'm a little high-maintenance when it comes to trying new things. These are some short cuts that make my life a little easier without making me feel like I'm poisoning anybody.

Ok - those Knorr rice & pasta sides are actually pretty delicious. Of course, they're not going to be on par with homemade, but frankly, homemade alfredo sauce makes me ill. It's too rich, too heavy. And this is coming from the girl who polished off an entire plate of biscuits & gravy from Sweet Laurette's on her birthday. So for us, making it from a mix is fast, cheap, and tasty. That brand often goes on sale for $1 each package, so we split it three ways with some chicken and veggies and end up saving some serious moolah. And that spicy peanut stuff in the center - ohmygoodness... so tasty. It's like thai shake & bake. Amazingly good.

I use instant rice and instant mashed potatoes. I've never cooked non-instant rice. The idea scares the living crap out of me. I just know I'd screw it up. Probably not the most positive outlook to be projecting out into the universe (hey universe! I'm incapable of cooking rice properly!), but whatever. Instant is quick, still full of all sorts of nutritious value, and they come in a wide variety of easy mixes (wild rice pilaf, brown rice, rice & pasta together, etc) that I can totally handle. And when making dinner is fairly simple and fun, I'm a lot less likely to say "eff it" and request that Seth bring home a take'n'bake pizza.

Layers of Flavor:

Part 1 - (the intro... or appetizer, if you will)
Part 2 - (breakfast, snacks and lunches)
Part 3 - (dinner construction zone)
Part 5 - (the run-down)

Layers of flavor : part 3 (dinner construction zone)

Growing up, the structure of the dinners my mother cooked were pretty basic. You had your one-dish-meals; casseroles, stir fries, meatloaves, etc. Then there were the main dish/side dish meals. These usually meant some sort of meat being the focus of the meal, with a starch and/or vegetable along side. My cooking style has morphed into pretty much the same deal, just different kinds of foods than what I grew up with.

A great example of a one-dish-meal: stir-fried chicken with baby corn, snow peas, red peppers, and rice. I also have a variation of this that I make with ground beef, lots of different colored peppers, a heaping pile of cabbage, and soy sauce.

An example of a meal with main dish and sides: Spinach manicotti with a side salad and ciabatta bread with olive oil/balsamic vinegar for dipping.

The best way I found to organize our meals was to make a chart. As you can see, some of our dinners have just a starch or just a veggie on the side. Many have both, a few have neither. A lot of it depends on the style of meal and what we all like. But the great flexible thing about this is that I can interchange those side dishes however I like! To do this, I needed to make myself lists of the options!

Standard Starches

(and Evil Carbohydrates... har har.)

• mashed potatoes
• rice
• couscous
• pasta
• garlic bread
• cheesy bread

Standard Veggies

• corn
• carrots
• asparagus
  
• beets
  
• green beans
• peas
• salad

Veggie Alternatives

• gratin
• roasted ricotta tomatoes
• zucchini fritters
• tomato or vegetable soup
  
• stuffed mushrooms
• raw veggies cut or sliced: carrots, cucumbers, celery

Then I just plug in whichever sides go best with the specific meals. I can also make allowances for sales, offerings from his parents' garden, etc.

Layers of Flavor:

Part 1 - (the intro... or appetizer, if you will)
Part 2 - (breakfast, snacks and lunches)
Part 4 - (sometimes easy is... easier)
Part 5 - (the run-down)

Layers of flavor : part 2 (breakfast, snacks and lunches)

When trying to cut our food costs I knew there were certain things I needed to have on hand all the time, not for specific planned dinners, but for Silas' lunches, Seth's bento lunches, and random snacks for all of us. I never want to have so much on hand that it doesn't get eaten, but enough that we have choices. So I set about making a few lists.

breakfast foods

• cereal
• bread/english muffins
• jam
• fruit
• yogurt
• milk
• bagels/cream cheese
• coffee/creamer

Silas' snacks

• raisins
• trail mix
• crackers
• cheese
• fruit
• turkey
• V8
• milk
• peanut butter/bread/honey

Seth's bento lunches

• salami
• pepperoni
• string cheese
• spreadable swiss
• crackers
• peanut butter
• trail mix
• tortillas/bread
• carrots
• celery
• cucumber
• hummus
• pita chips
• tuna
• turkey
• chewy ginger candies
• fruit (grapes, apples, plums work best)

Granted, I don't have every one of these foods on hand at one time: I'd constantly be throwing things away. But I try to have a decent selection based on what's on sale, what's in season, and what everybody feels like. This shopping is a little more impulsive and based on our whims, not what's set on a menu. Which is good... it helps me know we're still flexible about food.


Here's a couple of classic examples of Seth's bento lunches -

chewy ginger candies, trail mix, string cheese, turkey wraps with salami, cheese, tomatoes and some lettuce, cucumbers, carrots, celery, dip, and a plum. The cukes, tomatoes in the wrap and the plum were all things we picked from his mom's garden.

A plum, trail mix, string cheese, salmon cakes, dip, cukes, ginger candies, carrots and crackers! Variety is the spice of life.

Layers of Flavor:

Part 1 - (the intro... or appetizer, if you will)
Part 3 - (dinner construction zone)
Part 4 - (sometimes easy is... easier)
Part 5 - (the run-down)