8/1/09

In which I explain my desire to skip the pomp and circumstance.

Seth and I have decided to get married! We've also decided to opt out of a traditional/church wedding in favor of a judge and a courthouse. A lot of people we know seem confused and even a little upset about our choice to skip the big, fancy ceremony. Story of my life: something that seems practical and makes perfect sense to me bewilders those around me. The actual ceremony and wedding are a very big deal in our current culture and society. People stress out and fight and spend their life savings for one day. Been there. Done that. Yada yada.

For many couples, they can lose sight of the fact that they're entering into a marriage and not just a big foofy party and happily ever after. I don't want to discredit the tradition of wedding ceremonies! For some couples it's a great way to publicly declare their love and commitment in front of "god", their friends and family. I've been witness to some very sincere and genuine nuptials over the years where the groom wasn't hung over from the bachelor party and the bride wasn't preoccupied with place settings. But guys... I've been married before.


I wore the poofy white dress. I carried the bouquet. I said the vows. And in hindsight, with the ridiculous marriage of two stunted children as a glaring reminder, I've come to realize something - the wedding itself just isn't important to me. Seth and I have already been sharing our lives together as a family for nearly four years. I'm ready to focus on the marriage and the future.

13 comments:

katie said...

amen!

Luke said...

Congratulations you guys!

I'm ordained and I'd also be happy to marry you if you'd like (in any style of ceremony or lack of ceremony that you please). Unless you're really set on going before the judge. :P

Miss Marjie said...

Congratulations. :) I think judges and courthouses are very nice. Do what you think is most valuable, important, and interesting to you. Big weddings are a bit disturbing if you ask me.

Jennifer said...

I think that is really, really smart.

Tracy said...

Woo hoo.. congrats!! :)

Kell/ said...

Congratulations!

I had noticed the phrase "happily umarried" had vanished from your blog... and I thought maybe you were up to something like this!

Let me know the date; I can light a candle for you. I think it's wonderful and I wish you the best!

Jasie VanGesen said...

Kelly - I was hoping nobody would notice! That was some overzealous, insincere front I had put off to deflect all the people who kept asking why we weren't married "yet"... I wasn't sure if we were ever going to decide to, so I overcompensated. ;)

Luke - When did you get ordained? I never knew!

Marjie - I know from experience that my big wedding when I was 18 was quite disturbing, indeed.

The Red Fantastic said...

Congrats!! When Phil and I got married we did it at the county commissioner's and didn't tell anyone until it was over. I am not a big fan of weddings and I found the whole experience was something I wanted to be all about us.

I still have some unsettled feelings about it, but when I stop to really think about it, they are things that everyone else is pushing on me. Also, it was Phil's second marriage and he felt a lot like the way you do about it.

Kelly Hogaboom said...

Jasie - I just want to add that I regret some of my wedding choices.
I was never a big wedding planning girl (my husband and mom did most of the planning), but looking back I wish I would have done it more "me" and less just, everyone else. Like mostly, I wanted to wear a big whorey red dress, and I just wore ivory, because that's what color wedding dresses were.

The truth is tho' I was 5 months pregnant and WAY more excited about marriage and a baby, so I didn't really think too much about the wedding. Still... wish I would have put some more independent touches on it.

So my POINT BEING, please listen to your heart and do EXACTLY what you want to do - courthouse, with a beer afterwards, or while kayaking, or whatever it is you deep-down know you want.

And again, congratulations!

JJ Keith said...

Oh my gawd! Congrats Jasie! I'm so excited for you. That is awesome news. Does Etsy have wedding registries?

Alden and I got married at the Tropicana in Vegas with no guests. We agreed to "non-denominational" vows, which I STUPIDLY thought meant "non-religious." Dur. So we got married in god's good name even though we aren't Christians. I wish we had gone to a courthouse and done a secular wedding up proper with a keg to celebrate afterwards.

Whatever you decide, it will be fabulous and I can't wait to see pictures. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jasie VanGesen said...

Kelly - I totally appreciate your advice and know exactly what you refer to. Sure, I got to plan a lot of my wedding, but I regret a lot... I was 18. If I'd done it a few years later, a lot would have been different. And now that I get to do at 28 yrs old instead of 18, it's going to be 100% me and Seth... what we want and nothing else. It feels so good to think about. We're already starting to plan some things. Turns out our friend Luke (who made a comment earlier in this thread) is ordained and so we wouldn't even have to do it at the court house. We can do it in a place we feel a connection to and do it the way we feel most comfortable. Now we just have to plan when we'll do it.

Jodie - I wish Etsy had a registry! Heh, that'd be a dream. But honestly, wouldn't it be a bit taboo for us to get gifts when I'm divorced, we're eloping, and we've already lived together for over 3 years? I dunno, maybe I'm over-analyzing and there's absolutely nothing taboo about it. Feedback on that, please, everybody. Heh.

Alison said...

I'm a brand-new reader (followed the link from a comment you left on the organic sister's blog), and I just got married (3 weeks ago). We've been living together for awhile, and we both have 6 year old boys (who both live with us) but neither of us have been married before.

We registered. We got lots of stuff, both from the registry and not. It is certainly not taboo!!! (Actually, mostly we got money.)

Turtle Oak said...

We didn't legally tie the know till we moved to WA a couple of months before Eli was born. It was pretty weird and surreal - we went to the local Unitarian church and explained we'd had a ceremony that wasn't legal a few years prior and were only doing the legal thing for health insurance and birth cert. reasons so he just signed our license - he told me he didn't need us to say the stuff we'd already promised each other - if we felt we were married that was good enough for him - considering how hugely pregnant and werided out by the whole thing I was entirely grateful!
Here we are now - headin to our 13th anniversary of a marriage EVERYONE said wouldn't last - shows folks just mind their own freakin business!

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