sweet jesus. overwhelmed.

• I've decided to hold onto my job. For awhile I was contemplating going back to school, but it just doesn't feel like the right time.
  

• I haven't had a paycheck over $200 since October. No wonder I've felt so broke. I am. But the upside to this... they can't garnish my wages for my ex-husband's debt unless I'm making over $150 each week. I have to keep reminding myself, it all comes out in the wash!

• I'm done with snow. It's all melted here, but they keep saying we're getting more. No thanks. I wasn't too fond of not being able to get my car out of the driveway for over a week.

• I re-vamped the graphics on my Etsy shop. I've made two sales now and both buyers left me positive feedback! I'm on my way. I've been working on relevant tags for my items, expanded to shipping outside the US, and am constantly trying to improve my photos.

• I've been a complete space cadet lately. More so than normal. I can't focus or concentrate... I'm overly emotional, easily panicked, and tired all the time. I ache. When I told my mom this, her response was, "It's a scientific fact that during the holidays, people eat more sugar and flour. You probably just need to stop eating all sugar and flour." I think it's finally time to have the, "I love myself and my body just the way I am and have no intention of altering my current diet and/or activity level to fit societal norms." talk with her. I may have to do it in writing. I'm afraid I'll lose my nerve face to face or over the phone. But if I have to hear one more time how my sister in law "eats her feelings" or how so and so has lost X amount of pounds... I may go batty.

formulating a plan, yo.

These past few days, I haven't been intuitively eating. In fact, I've barely been eating at all. On Sunday, I didn't eat until about 3 in the afternoon. Yesterday, I didn't eat until dinner at 5:30. I've been so stressed about work I haven't been feeling hungry. Last night I was stuck in the bathroom with an insanely upset stomach. This, to me, is just further proof that it's time to move on. I have no illusions that school will be easy and fun all the time, or that working a part time job at one of the local cafes of coffeehouses won't be hectic and stressful. But emotionally, I am done with the kind of stress I've endured in almost 3 years at Safeway.

I know it will suck to have less money, but I already don't have any. My monthly income from work is about $600-$700, depending on how many hours I was fortunate to get. I only make $9 an hour. Any checks over $150 are being garnished for James outstanding debt. Then I get $95 a week in child support (it's immediately gone for groceries and gas in my car, not to mention it's pretty darn close to being offset by the godawful garnishments from my paycheck). My car is paid off (the title is hanging on the wall in the kitchen! praise jeebus!!), we are living in a cheap place that's in town (we use a lot less gas than we used to).... I honestly couldn't think of a better time to take advantage of the situation and just go for it.

Fat people eat like normal people. Case in point.

Here's a sampling of random Jasie dinners. Sometimes the meat is red, sometimes it's white, sometimes it beans or cheese and not meat at all. Sometimes there's one veggie, sometimes there's six. There's usually some sort of grain or starch. There's never that side-dish of guilt and remorse. Who has time to whip that up?

These are also the same meals fed to my boyfriend and 7 year old son, so I've got to accommodate a range of personal tastes and nutritional needs.

Black pepper beef and cabbage stir fry with red peppers.

Ranch chicken with rice, corn, and cucumber/lettuce salad.

Turkey meatballs in marinara with peas and cheesy sourdough bread.

Garlic chicken with pasta, carrots, peas, corn, and broccoli & salad.

Taco salad with corn chips.

Turkey with stuffing & sweet potatoes.

Turkey chili, cheese, and onions over homemade mashed potatoes.

I confess, I put my tree up 2 whole days BEFORE thanksgiving.

My trusty fake tree. It lives in a box 11 months out of the year.

Different angle.

The hallway needed something.

One thing I miss about Starbucks... the spoils of xmas. I always got to bring home random decorations from the holidays.

We've been naughty this year. All three of us. In all actuality, we don't do the santa thing AT ALL. I just thought these were a cute alternative to traditional stockings. And they made me chuckle.

My mini tree from the year we didn't have room for a big one. So now I get TWO trees! SCORE!

Close up of my tree without any flash.

My world market tins... they're empty, but oh so cute.

Even the tv stand gets a winter-wonderland makeover.

My feather wreath. Pretty much the coolest thing I've ever gotten at Target.

Advent calendar and sparkly xmas candles.

Another extreme close-up.

So much pretty.